Daydreaming The Nightmares !!!

                                                   Walking down the streets along with my dreams, 
                                                Shadow of the night covers me it seems, 
                                                              Wide open are my eyes, 
                                                            To hide all the seven skies, 
                                          Broken up with me, is departing my shadow,
                                   Turning down the broad am turning to the narrow….

It was the time when the convolutions of my brain went so much complex that I failed, even, to dare to dream. The grey matter darkened to the extent of my shadows and it drained 'myself' of me completely. Whatever I molded myself into was infinite miles away from my imagination of myself. The days were spent under the Black shadows of Green banyan of Mainframes and nights passed walking down the empty streets, under the siege of stress, having loud squabbles with my dreams & ambitions.

Itching around the wounds was never so painful for me; the wounds with broken veins of my dreams; the wounds with clotted blood of my wishes. The time which I used to spend staring at the roof, while daydreaming (and then penning them down); I started spending staring at the Mainframes screen. Blossoms of my dreams were turned to the nightmares exploding the technology against my mind. Everything I did during those 30 days was like Jihad cried against my will. Abrasion of will till late at night, about 0200 – 0230, and again resuming it at 0730 hardly paid any time for my unconscious mind to have a conscious sleep. An averagely three and half hour sleep a day was more than enough for my ambitions to go anesthetic. (The only benefit, my pocket was full of, was the savings. Who says Time Is Money? I spent very less from pocket for I was spending my most of the time in Training Room 5, as odd as I am). The frustration bounced over the boundary when I came to know that, even after studying till eyes go deep inside, I failed to clear the third test also. It made me shake my head in consent to the Linkin Park's (Some of my friends have made this name a cliché) universal truth In The End. After this incidence, I, as usual, was like the stoic rock at the sea shore (This caused me o get the feedback as Best Attitude In Any Situation by my training faculty Ram). I started piercing more through my brain. The impact of assaulting the sleep reached the catastrophe when I started shouting "COBOL OFF! COBOL OFF!" (I am ashamed of myself for this incidence) after the 0530 alarm shook me cold. I felt like facing an abend causing mainframes to crash down. It was like India weeping over the demolition of Pakistan. And the only causative agent behind it was my impudent invasion across the LOC of my ambitions.

Good attitudes always take us to good destinations. I, also, used to think the same way. But, later on, I found that the good destination is more like a mirage. And I slurped the mirage when I got allocated to a US bank's credit cards project. I will say this is the next phase of day dreaming my nightmares. The never sleeping bank's project tattooed its slogan on the forehead of my life. And my luck also followed the same trend the Bank followed- It never sleeps, but sleeps. Those 30 days tussle emboss the most unforgettable, uneventful, black-inked event in my diary whose residual traces are still piercing into my eyes and the smiles are still trying to cover the sighs. And, now, I think, the time has come to persuade my brain to patch up with the mind, drowned deep into the frustrating anger. 

                                  Now, arrived is the bifurcation- I need to change my way, 
                                    Now, hottest is the altercation- I need to green my hay, 
                                                              I can't burn blacker than this, 
                                                               I can't more shatter than this, 
                                             Now, bitter is the water- I need to tune my bay….


- Shishir P. Admane (09/01/2009)